Group Helps With Grief from Loss
By Greg Ritchie
Messenger Reporter
HOUSTON COUNTY – While we accept it’s a part of life and part of God’s plan, losing a loved one is never easy. These losses also come without instructions or a playbook of what to feel and how to feel.
Once the funeral has ended and the loved ones have gone home, people often find themselves not knowing quite how to feel or what “normal” feelings look like. If a death has come suddenly, an argument before their passing can lead to feelings of guilt. A death after a long illness can come with pangs of relief, which can also lead to guilt.
For several years, Grief Share has helped those grieving a loved one to deal with the loss, deal with their feelings, as they share their experiences through others, going through different stages of the same thing. The group is hosted locally by Tabernacle of Praise Church in Kennard and holds two yearly sessions, complete with training sessions which teach people how to walk through those steps of the grieving process.
The Messenger was kindly contacted by one of our readers who told about the people helped by the group and their twice-a-year, 13-week sessions.
Grief Share is a non-denominational grief support group started over 25 years ago and now operates through a network of nearly 20,000 churches. Each session features a series of lessons from authors, pastors, counselors, psychologists and even those telling of their own experiences with grief.
Belinda Vanglahn organizes the Houston County chapter and found the group in another area after she lost her husband. She found the group so much help, she helped get a local chapter set up and took the course again, as she found herself in different stages of the process.
“You may hear something and you think, ‘Well, that didn’t pertain to me with my grief.’ Six months later, you might be at that stage,” Vanglahn said. “So it’s always something new – you just keep learning from it.”
Vanglahn said she still learns new things from the course, even after working with the group for eight years. She said after each session, there is an opportunity for the group to share their stories, although its not required, finding different people at different stages can help others come along in the process.
The group has anywhere from 20-25 participants each time, some for the first time, some looking for a piece they missed or weren’t ready for the last time they took the course. It’s free and open to all, although the winter session recently ended, the next one will open in August.
Vaglahn said there is not really a “normal” in normal, and what you may be going through, someone has gone through and may be able to explain it. She said the group takes a “baby step” approach to working through loss.
“Whatever you’re feeling, you can be pretty sure it’s normal. I felt nobody else is feeling like I am feeling, but early on, you learn it is normal and you can get so overcome with grief,” Vanglahn explained. “One of the things Grief Share teaches is, ‘Just do what’s next.’ If that’s taking the next breath, do what’s next. Get up in the morning. Make yourself some coffee, focus on that. Don’t try to look months down the road or even weeks down the road. You’ve got to concentrate on what is next. And we welcome people with open arms and do anything we can to help them in this program.”
Vanglahn is so passionate about the program, not only because of what she saw it did in her own life, but what she sees in other people, as they begin to recover after a loss.
“The first couple of sessions, I see a lot of tears, a lot of sad faces. No one really wants to talk or share – you are just too emotional. Mid-way through, I’m seeing smiles. And by the end, I’m seeing hugs and I see some laughter,” Vanglahn said. “I see some joy brought back to people. What was normal before, will never be again. So you have to find out what your new normal is.”
While the new sessions do not officially begin until August, contact Tabernacle of Praise in Kennard or go to www.griefshare.org to get help with grief after the loss of a loved one.
Greg Ritchie can be reached at [email protected]
